![\"BBC](\"https:\/\/ichef.bbci.co.uk\/news\/480\/cpsprodpb\/601b\/live\/216bf630-7c0c-11ef-9e47-a1d24aeb8a99.jpg.webp\")
BBC<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\u201cI\u2019m supposed to be her protector but I\u2019m also supposed to be his protector and when you\u2019re caught in the middle, what do you do?<\/b><\/p>\n For the dads of children with severe learning difficulties, life can often bring a lot of challenges. <\/p>\n BBC Spotlight has spoken to four dads of boys who all have a diagnosis of autism and a severe learning disability that can lead to upsetting and harmful behaviour to themselves and others.<\/p>\n They become bodyguards and protectors and in many cases face physical harm, and have called for more support and respite. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n On Tuesday, a group of mums spoke out in a BBC Spotlight documentary about incredibly hard choices they have had to make when looking after sons with complex needs, often without any respite or support.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n S\u00e9amus Flannigan is dad to 16-year-old Eoin.<\/p>\n \u201cI could be out of the room and the next second I\u2019m being called by my daughter or my wife because he\u2019s kicked off again. You have to put yourself physically between him and them and get them out of the road,” Mr Flannigan said. <\/p>\n \u201cYou think okay, at least I\u2019m able to deal with this and it\u2019s not my wife and it\u2019s not my daughter that are getting hurt. But then you realise that they can’t be on their own with him,” he said. <\/p>\n \u201c They can’t spend that quality time without someone being there as a bodyguard.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n One of the most touching scenes in the film is when the family are in a hydrotherapy pool with Eoin. The bond between father and son is clear. <\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s so simple, just splashing about in the water, playing with the waves pushing against you, he just loves that and he loves you to be there with him.\u201d<\/p>\n Those moments are what all four dads call the “small wins”.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Frank Tipping\u2019s 11-year-old son Theo can have great difficulty controlling his emotions, but there is another side to him.<\/p>\n \u201cHe is a gorgeous child. He is affectionate, he is warm. You can see he wants to belong everywhere,” Mr Tipping said. <\/p>\n \u201cYou can see him struggling to figure things out, but it\u2019s very difficult for him and it\u2019s very difficult for us to understand what exactly it is that he needs.\u201d<\/p>\n And it is those moments of struggle that can often escalate into distressed behaviour.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n In the film, Mr Tipping often intervenes between Theo and his wife Julie, shielding her from the more harmful outcomes of Theo\u2019s distress.<\/p>\n \u201cUltimately, you\u2019re approaching a situation in which you could get hurt, you know, and that\u2019s really hard to contemplate,” Mr Tipping said. <\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s getting bigger and stronger and I\u2019m not sure we\u2019re ready for that.\u201d<\/p>\n Mr Tipping admits he feels very guilty discussing Theo\u2019s difficult episodes.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s not Theo\u2019s fault. Theo is a great kid, he\u2019s a godsend, he\u2019s a blessing,” he said. <\/p>\n \u201c But I feel every time we articulate the problem it feels like betraying him.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n John Bell\u2019s 15-year-old son Rudy is strong and his outbursts have resulted in multiple injuries. <\/p>\n In the film Rudy bites and scratches his father’s hands during an outburst as Mr Bell is trying to de-escalate things.<\/p>\n \u201cMy hands are still black and blue and that was five or six weeks ago. And it\u2019s hard because you don\u2019t want him to hurt you or other people. Or himself. When Rudy gets you he gets you good, you can really feel it,” he said. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n Mr Bell said he and his wife Carly felt taking part in the film was a last resort – they wanted to show the reality and how they are struggling.<\/p>\n \u201cWhen people see this and professionals might see it, they might see what me and my family are going through,” he said. <\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019re physically drained, mentally drained. I\u2019m still trying to hold down a job but I\u2019ve had to drop it down to two days.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Social services have assessed all four boys should be getting regular overnight respite. That is where the children would go to a health trust facility and the families would get a break.<\/p>\n There are no spaces currently available in the Belfast and South Eastern Trust.<\/p>\n Mr Bell said respite was invaluable. <\/p>\n \u201cIt made a hell of a difference to everybody in the family. I mean everybody. Because you were getting a bed for the night, you were getting a sleep for the night.”<\/p>\n Mr Bell has had medical issues this year including very high blood pressure: \u201cIt\u2019s got to the stage where I\u2019m running on empty.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Danny Miller\u2019s dad Steven has changed jobs to be able to spend more time at home.<\/p>\n \u201cI used to be a mechanic and now I work for the Roads Service and lost almost half my wages,” Mr Miller said. <\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s something I\u2019ve had to do to support my family.\u201d<\/p>\n His wife Claire suffers quite significant injuries on a regular basis.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m watching him attacking her and there\u2019s not really anything I can do,” he said. <\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m supposed to be her protector but I\u2019m also supposed to be his protector and you\u2019re caught in the middle what do you do?<\/p>\n \u201cA lot of the time we\u2019re lying on the floor trying to protect him from banging his head on the floor.”<\/p>\n Mr Miller says he is devoted to his son and believes regular respite would help the whole family.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n The South Eastern Health Trust who look after Danny and Rudy\u2019s care said it would not comment on their cases. <\/p>\n It said it understood the pressure on families but it could not offer respite because beds were being used by children who need long-term placement.<\/p>\n It added that it hoped future funding would be made available.<\/p>\n The Belfast Health Trust who are responsible for Eoin and Theo\u2019s care said it was very sorry that it was unable to offer overnight breaks, but that the Trust was exploring ways of reintroducing them.<\/p>\n Health Minister Mike Nesbitt said the current situation was unsustainable, adding that he was determined to see “urgent improvements”.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n‘They can’t be on their own with him’<\/h2>\n<\/p>\n
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![\"Seamus](\"https:\/\/ichef.bbci.co.uk\/news\/480\/cpsprodpb\/7ddc\/live\/58f473a0-7c09-11ef-9e47-a1d24aeb8a99.png.webp\")
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<\/div>\n<\/div>\n‘He’s getting bigger and stronger’<\/h2>\n<\/p>\n
![\"Frank](\"https:\/\/ichef.bbci.co.uk\/news\/480\/cpsprodpb\/c7b2\/live\/c4b32020-7c0c-11ef-b2b0-0592a74251cf.jpg.webp\")
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n‘My hands are still black and blue’ <\/h2>\n<\/p>\n
![\"John](\"https:\/\/ichef.bbci.co.uk\/news\/480\/cpsprodpb\/28a1\/live\/e2f57190-7c0d-11ef-9e47-a1d24aeb8a99.png.webp\")
<\/div>\n<\/div>\nRespite needed <\/h2>\n<\/p>\n
‘There’s not really anything I can do’ <\/h2>\n<\/p>\n
![\"Steven](\"https:\/\/ichef.bbci.co.uk\/news\/480\/cpsprodpb\/e1cb\/live\/608d00c0-7c0c-11ef-b2b0-0592a74251cf.jpg.webp\")
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![\"Horizontal](\"https:\/\/ichef.bbci.co.uk\/news\/480\/cpsprodpb\/8f57\/live\/10c8bc00-7ccf-11ef-b66d-034eed51208d.png.webp\")
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