Warning: This article contains an account of suicidal thoughts and experiences of racism.<\/em><\/p>\n “Why don’t you try jogging?”<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n Sabrina Pace-Humphreys wasn’t sure about those five words when she first heard them. Now, she says they saved her life.<\/span><\/p>\n In 2009, Pace-Humphreys suffered extreme post-natal depression after the birth of her fourth child.<\/span><\/p>\n “I went to really dark places but I didn’t know just how bad it was,” she tells Women’s Sport Matters – a Sports Desk podcast special produced with the Open University.<\/span><\/p>\n “I had thoughts about my own life, why I was here, why I shouldn’t be here.”<\/span><\/p>\n Thankfully, at a three-month post-natal appointment, Pace-Humphreys’ GP recognised something was wrong.<\/span><\/p>\n “One of the things she said to me was to do something for myself that takes me out of the house,” Pace-Humphreys, 45, explains.<\/span><\/p>\n “I had no idea. Things were so dark for me. She said: ‘Why don’t you try jogging?'”<\/span><\/p>\n Pace-Humphreys’ immediate reaction, having never run before, was to think jogging “wasn’t for me” – but she was “so desperate to not have these thoughts that I would do anything”.<\/span><\/p>\n So she went out for a run, or a “shuffle” as she now describes it.<\/span><\/p>\n “I’ll always remember that first time – I think I did a mile,” she recalls.<\/span><\/p>\n “It was a one-minute jog, one-minute walk. I got home and fell on the floor of the kitchen. My husband was like: ‘Are you OK?’<\/span><\/p>\n “Although everything hurt in my body and I didn’t feel physically OK, for that whole time I hadn’t had a thought about taking my own life.<\/span><\/p>\n “All I could think of was, ‘breathe Sabrina… keep taking a sip of water.. it’s only 400m until you’re back’.<\/span><\/p>\n “Being present in the moment, in the run, stopped me from being totally consumed by those other thoughts.<\/span><\/p>\n “That’s what made me go out again five days later when I felt I could walk again. In my running journey, that is what keeps me going back still to this day.<\/span><\/p>\n “I know that without that advice in 2009, I wouldn’t be here today.”<\/span><\/p>\n Pace-Humphreys kept putting one foot in front of the other and now, incredibly, runs ultra-marathons, including completing the 250km Marathon des Sables across the Sahara Desert in 2018.<\/span><\/p>\n She describes running as her “medication”, having experienced anxiety since childhood.<\/span><\/p>\n In her 2022 book Black Sheep: A Story of Rural Racism, Identity and Hope, Pace-Humphreys describes the racism she experienced growing up in a market town after moving there aged four.<\/span><\/p>\n “I talk about the earliest experience I have of being racially abused, of being othered because I look different, because my hair was different, because I was dark-skinned. I wore National Health glasses,” she says.<\/span><\/p>\n “All these things impacted on my mental health from a very young age. I would experience episodes of high anxiety as a child but I didn’t know what to call it.<\/span><\/p>\n “It was just the fear – I couldn’t enjoy the really good times because I was so fearful of what was around the corner.”<\/span><\/p>\n Pace-Humphreys says that “got worse through my life”, leading to further episodes of anxiety and depression, and eventually alcohol addiction.<\/span><\/p>\n For Pace-Humphreys, running is “what I need to take every day for my mental health”.<\/span><\/p>\n Pace-Humphreys now works to share the release of running with others after co-founding Black Trail Runners – a charity that seeks to increase inclusion, participation and representation of black people in trail running.<\/span><\/p>\n She says the idea for the organisation came from a “life-or-death experience” while running in the Alps.<\/span><\/p>\n Pace-Humphreys slipped during an ultra-marathon and found herself clinging on to the edge of a precipice.<\/span><\/p>\n She explains: “I fell off a snow field and was screaming for dear life. Five white men ran past me as if I wasn’t there.”<\/span><\/p>\n Eventually, a man pulled her back on to the path and Pace-Humphreys says the experience “really made me think about my place in trail running”.<\/span><\/p>\n Through her work with Black Trail Runners, she looks to tackle barriers to access and the “massive lack of diversity” in the sport.<\/span><\/p>\n “You see a community come together in the trails and you don’t even have to say a word. You look at each other and you just know you are being held, you are safe and they get it,” Pace-Humphreys says.<\/span><\/p>\n “People say to us they have finally found a place they feel seen, safe. That is everything.”<\/span><\/p>\n Fourteen years on and a world away from when she was first confronted with the idea of having to run, Pace-Humphreys now coaches Couch to 5K groups as she tries to convince others of the pleasures of running.<\/span><\/p>\n She will also be at April’s London Marathon with a group from Black Trail Runners.<\/span><\/p>\n For those who think such a feat would never be possible for them, Pace-Humphreys has this advice: “Just do one small thing. Even if it’s to just stand in your trainers. <\/span><\/p>\n “I’ve seen it in my own journey. Never underestimate your power to change things.”<\/span><\/p>\n If you, or someone you know, have been affected by any issues raised in this article, support and information is available at <\/em>BBC Action Line.<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n Sports Desk: Women’s Sport Matters is a special mini-series produced in partnership with the Open University. The four episodes cover periods; sportswear; the psychology of injuries and exercise habits. <\/em>You can listen to them here.<\/span><\/a><\/p>\nRural racism<\/h3>\n
Black Trail Runners<\/h3>\n
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