“I think I was just in survival mode for a year”.

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the challenges of becoming a dad.

But the reality quickly became “very different” to what he’d imagined.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

“I was doing every night time, every change… every walk. The role of both mum and dad,” Ryan told the BBC’s Parenting Download.

After 11 months he burnt out. It was a chat with his own dad, on a park bench, that made him realise he needed help.

The simple words “You’re not in a good spot. You need some help. How can I help you?” opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While society is now better used to talking about the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, less is said about the struggles dads face.

According to the government’s recent men’s health strategy for England, between 5-15% of fathers experience anxiety before and after they have a child, while 5-10% face depression.

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a wider failure to communicate amongst men, who still internalise harmful perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be “the harbour wall that just gets smashed and remains standing every time.”

“It’s not a show of weakness to ask for help. I didn’t do that quick enough,” he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don’t want to accept they’re struggling.

They can feel they are “not a legitimate person to be asking for help” – especially ahead of a mum and baby – but she emphasises their mental well-being is just as important to the family.

Ryan’s conversation with his dad gave him the space to ask for a break – taking a few days abroad, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner’s emotions as well as the practical tasks of taking care of a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he’d missed “what she was yearning” -holding her hand and listening to her.

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He’s now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will help his son better understand the language of emotion and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of “self-parenting” is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green – real name Stephen Manderson – has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked consistent male parenting. Despite having an “incredible” bond with his dad, deep-held trauma meant his father struggled to cope and was “in and out” of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make “terrible decisions” when younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as escapism from the pain.

“You find your way to things that don’t help,” he explains. “They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse.”

• Talk to someone – if you’re feeling overwhelmed, tell a friend, your partner or a professional how you’re feeling. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone

• Remember your hobbies – keep doing the things that helped you to feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games.

• Don’t ignore the physical stuff – eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mind is doing.

• Spend time with other new dads – hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you’re feeling

• Know that asking for help isn’t failing – looking after yourself is the best way you can look after your family

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen’s determined not to “perpetuate the cycle” with his own son and instead offer the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they practise “shaking it out” together – processing the emotions safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men because they faced their pain, changed how they communicate, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

“I’m better… sitting with things and dealing with things,” says Stephen.

“I wrote that in a letter to Leo last week,” Ryan says. “I said, at times I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it’s a two-way conversation. I’m learning just as much as you are in this journey.”

If you, or someone you know, have been affected by mental health issues, please visit BBC Action Line to find information on organisations that can help